Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Selfishness Starts...Domestic Violence in the Beginning

This is about  the unsettling truth that is my life and relationship with my husband. This is about mental and physical daily torture, and about a great deal of fear.
Hopefully one day Dariusz (aka Darek) will read this, and hopefully he finally truly understands what a bad person he is and that I can never ever trust him for let him anywhere near our son.
My goal is to tell my story of domestic violence, even if it's just a list of every bad thing Darek has done (or "promised" to do) to me and my son; that way if (or when) his dad kills me there is still a reference out there for my son to learn the truth.

Once upon a time I was almost-but-not-quite happy and totally independent.
I met a really tall, really good-looking, blue-eyed European guy with an amazing body. He was 21 years older than me and after 24 hours of "afterglow" or whatever you want to call it he decided that i didn't need anybody but him. and if i liked him i could just give up all my friends who were men. I agreed that while we were in eachother's company i wouldn't talk to my male friends. A couple of days later he asked me to marry him.
Ten days after we met he drove me over state lines to marry me. Then he owned me. He started to hit me that day, on the ride home from Nevada not 2 hours after we were wed in a Reno courthouse he began to hit me and threaten my life. But by the time we got back home he was sorry and he just loved me so much he didn't know what came over him and he is a very jealous man and sometimes can't help how he acts. He assured me it won't happen again.
Darek told me he wanted me to have children, he told me it was the only way for me to prove that I love him, and that I wasn't going to leave him for a younger guy.
I told him I wouldn't mind having a boy. He bought pregnancy tests, and each negative was a reason to call me "whore" and "nigger lover" and accuse me of lying. I had two periods between getting married and getting pregnant, and each period was a good reason to say things like:
"You probably can't even get pregnant 'cause your womb is too polluted, you're just lying to keep me around"
"You don't really love me. If you really loved me you'd have my baby"

then I got beaten and all my belongings destroyed to show me that Darek "is the boss" and "the only man" i have ever known.  And then I got pregnant and I was beaten way more often, way more brutally and the verbal emotional abuse became unreal, and eventually unbearable.
 My husband, Darek, wouldn't let me use my own cell phone without being beaten. He was always accusing me of lying, and of being a "serpent" and a "cunt" and my husband would "show" me how much he loved me by beating me, because he wouldn't even waste his time talking to me let alone "punishing" me if he didn't care.
He "cared" so hard one day, during the very beginning of my pregnancy, he was so high on speed and thought that i was talking to my friends and family so he taught me a lesson about "family values" as he called it. Darek pinned me stomach-down on the bed and eventually the floor, with his knees pinning me face-down my husband told me he was "gonna show you what 'kidney shots' feel like" and he punched me repeatedly in the kidneys again and again. Darek beat me so hard in the back that my stomach bruised with impact revealing  the shapes of the organs battered that day. My whole torso was black, blue, red and green and my son was only lucky enough to have survived unaffected.